Love is a tricky thing.
Sometimes, you can be in a toxic relationship, and not really know it. It’s a scary thought, thankfully, there are certain signs to keep an eye out for, and one of these signs is their apologies.
Apologies are not meant to create more issues than there already were. The whole point of them is to humble yourself, and acknowledge any wrongdoing you did to harm that other person, whether intentional or not.
This, in turn, puts you in a place to be forgiven. And when you hopefully are, the relationship can continue.
The issue is, though, in a toxic relationship, that’s a near impossibility. Yes, if you’ve been in one of these relationships, you probably know all too well what I mean.
Many times in a toxic relationship, the scales are tipped far in the toxic person’s favor.
Every time you hurt them, it’s unforgivable. They’ll spout phrases like:
“How could you do that to me?!”
“I don’t understand how you could be so insensitive!”
“I’d never do that to you!”
And yet, when the shoe is on the other foot, it’s not nearly as big of a deal. They’ll do their best to shrug off how you feel, and in many cases, will make you feel bad for making them apologize for what they did in the first place.
And in these cases, you find yourself apologizing, when it’s something they did.
If you’re ever in these spots, and it feels so twisted and backwards, I have good news, and bad news — you’re right.
To a toxic person, they can’t even imagine admitting their failure. Why would they apologize? Their so much better than that, you don’t deserve an apology from them.
Just move on and get over it.
It’s selfish, yes, and very twisted, as if you try to apply their own logic to them, it never works. Despite the obvious, glaring contradiction.
It’s a little overused, but it’s a good metaphor; the store.
Imagine you bought something from the store, and you want to return it.
Say when you get in there, they make the whole thing a massive hassle.
They bombard you with question after question, and refuse to help the matter. They demand the receipt, the item must be undamaged, what didn’t you like about it, fill out a form on what you didn’t like, wait like 30 days for a refund, where were you when you didn’t want it anymore.
You aren’t going to leave the store thinking, “Wow, you know, they made a lot of really good points back there.”
No, you think “That store does not care about how I feel. They just want to make it difficult to get my money back after I got something.”
That’s what it’s like getting an apology from them.
If you want to apologize, go right ahead. You did wrong, you need to apologize, and it wasn’t okay.
But when they need to apologize, suddenly all of that goes straight out the window.
Why are you being so insensitive? They only made one mistake and suddenly it’s a big deal, why would you do that to them?
It’s incredibly unfair, it’s not okay, and it’s frankly just low.
Don’t indulge them any longer, and stop falling for the cycle.
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